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If I were at the Golden Globes...

I would wear this:

I wouldn't wear ANY of this: 

I would sit so close to Damien Lewis and Claire Danes I would be compared to Amy Poehler sitting on George Clooney lap.

I would ask Mandy Patinkin from Homeland to record a message on my voice mail starting with "Carry" , because its my favorite thing he says/does.

I would follow Taylor Swift around quoting Tina Fey over and over again. I would also follow Jennifer Lawrence around trying to convince her to be my best friend, if that didn't work I would then follow Zooey around.

I would hug Leonardo DiCaprio because in the third grade a substitute art teacher gave me a ridiculously lifelike (at least to a 9 year old) sketch of him during all the Titanic hype. I slept with it under my pillow praying to God my mom would let me see the movie. 
(She didn't, I was 9, great choice mom) 

I would ask Jennifer Gardner and Ben Afleck if they needed a babysitter because despite what Suri's Burn Book says I think their kids are ADORABLE. 

I would sing Tina Fey and Amy Poehler "Wind Beneath my Wings" because they truly are my heros, or well until Jessica Chastain finds another Terrorist then she's right back on top. 

And this would be my acceptance speech: 

Wow, I can't believe I am standing here (thats how your supposed to start right?) I would like to thank my cousin, who talked through the entirely of "Pleasantville" explaining every camera angle, every nuance in a line, a gesture, a prop placement. I would like to thank Mrs. Hawkins who directed me in my first Church play when I was in the 6th grade, and really did break me out of my awkward shell. I would like to thank Homeland for reminding me that it is to both laugh at a "drama" and curse and throw things at the TV and be genuinely glad when good triumphs evil. Thank you to my family, because if I don't thank you people with think I am extremely self centered and I am a Hollywood actor, so why would any one think I am self centered. But seriously, thank you to my family. 
And finally I would thank all the small people because that is who you thank in an acceptance speech in front of the mirror when you are 9. 

Que music rushing me off stage. 

Happy start to award season yall! 

Also, Tommy Lee Jones was not impressed with this post 




Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire said...

Bahaha! I am catching up on 200 posts from my vacation week, and this was a golden post to come back to!

Whitney H said...

I can't lie: this is probably the best blog post I've read this year. The Tommy Lee Jones pic at the end... PERFECT!

Katie said...

you are too funny! I love jessica alba's dress!

Jess said...

Jennifer & Zooey...YES! Can we all 4 just be besties, please? I mean we're already half way there ;)

And Jessica Alba's dress. LOOOVEEE!

Love youuuu!

Kathleen said...

Bahahahaha!!! YES! Best post on an awards show ever! Im the biggest awards show fan and I totally wish we could have watched together! I feel like our commentary would have been hilarious.

And when I saw Tommy Lee Jones face through Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell's presentation I DIED! He was totally not impressed with anything they were saying!

Hope you have a great Monday! xoxo

Z@KickingKilos said...

what a super cool post. Love it.
Btw--new reader here.

elle at wishingoodluck said...

Haha I saw Whitney's tweet about this - so hilarious. New follower for sure!

Greetings from Texas! said...

Haha!!! Love it! I think this is the 1st award show I've ever watched beginning to end because it was so good, as was this post! Thanks for the shout out. This is how we do.

Allyson McGuire said...

So. Stinkin. Funny...and I totally agree with you on the dresses!

Sarah said...

1. If I had Julie Bowen's dress I would NEVER take it off.

2. I just spent waaayyy too much time over at Suri's Burn Book ha!

Loved the acceptance speech! ;)

The Daily Sarah Jane

Liz @ Beyond Blonde Blog said...

Haha, great post!

Courtney said...

I LOVE Jennifer Lawrence! Love love love!!