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How Not to be A Hostess the Anti Tutorial

On any given day all I want to do is throw a dinner party. Yes, I know it is very 1960's meets pinterest of me but I just love them. The friendship, the food, the laughter I just want to spend my days (or probably more accurately my nights) filled with these things. I am just at the brink of the dinner party age --not to mention I have not gotten to partake in ritual of "I'm getting married buy me stuff so I can hold socially acceptable gatherings at my new home". So basically I look for any reasons to break out my fancy food skills. Before school concluded for the year my department decided that we were going to meet and get some curriculum planned for the next year in my apartments conference room therefore making me the de facto "hostess" of this event. 
Challenge Accepted.
My thoughts went immediately to what food I could make, where I could incorporate bakers twine and how this was the perfect excuse to finally buy a white serving platter with out having to drop $45,000 on a wedding. As any good event host would do I browsed though Pinterest for the perfect meeting food. I landed on crostini... not too sweet, not too savory, looks pretty, and relatively easy. The day of the meeting I cut, sliced, spread, arranged and drizzled until the crostini were perfect. I walked my happy hostess butt over the the meeting room and waited for all to be dazzled (oh and to plan next years curriculum). The meeting came and went and despite a few witty quips about how "everyone HAD to eat one" exactly 2 of my 24 crostini were eaten. 
I called my mother defeated in which she offered some "things to think about"

Consider the Meeting Time

The meeting was scheduled for two in the afternoon which is basically the teenage boy of time, awkward and unsure of what to do with its hands. Choose and "Eating Time" When planning an event where you want to serve food (and actually want people to eat it) make sure it is at a universal "eating time".  Or specifically specify on the invitation, or in my case email, that food will be served. Lesson learned.

8am: Breakfast
11-12 pm: Lunch
 5pm: Cocktails and Hors d'oeuvres
 7pm: Dinner
8pm: Dessert

Consider the Guest 

"You're a Food Snob"--my mother 
Yes she is right, and NO I am not sorry about it. I love food and I love good food I will not apologize about that. I should have however considered my guests, they are not bloggers or fellow food snobs (although they do appreciate good food I am sure). They are teachers who came to sift though piles of books in hopes of finding something a 14 year old boy will actually read (quite a task in case you haven't had any experience with 14 year old boys lately). If I was going to serve anything I should have just thrown some chips in a bowl, some cookies on a plate and called it a day. Lesson learned. 

Consider the Space 

The conference room in my apartment complex is beautiful but most of the room is taken up by a large conference table and chairs (which only makes sense because it is in fact a conference room). The crostini I made were way more conducive to a mingling environment rather than a sit down meeting.  Choosing food that is easy to eat in the environment provided is pretty much a direct indicator of whether it will actually be eaten. Lesson learned. 

So basically my first attempt at a hostess was an epic fail because their really isn't anything worse than no one eating your food in a cramped room at an awkward time. Please learn from me. 

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Lauren said...

Amen, sister. I do this all the time for work. There is nothing people like more than cookies and fruit. And you're right on telling them in advance that there's food. And you have to have someone who agrees to go and eat first. And there must always be hand sanitizer if you are serving finger foods. Why is trying to be cordial and feeding people so darn difficult??

Amanda B. said...

Love this post. That is 100% something I would do!

Jess said...

You can go ahead and send the extras over to me ;)
But seriously...holy delicious!

Your anti tutorials are my fav.

Chaos and Coffee said...

Uh girl you can have me over any time and play hostess...that looks AMAZE! Those folks missed out, their loss!!

put a bow on it [kaitlyn] said...

Yep this settles it, we are starting a supper club. And you and Reese are joining.

Ari @ The Pace of it All said...

Lol, great advice... I've never had to be a hostess before but now I will know what not to do!

Darby Hawley said...

Meg, to be honest I was a little nervous to read your case I'm an erroneous hostess Ahhhhh!

These are great tips and I love your mothers commentary. lol Any time you want to host a dinner party (which I too L-O-V-E) I would be happy to eat anything a food snob makes me, and pair it with some wine, fellow Hawleys....I would be the happiest camper!

Niki {Glossy Blonde} said...

I love your anti-tutorials! I probably would have scheduled it for 2:00 pm too so duly noted!

Michelle said...

This is hysterical. Oh girl, I would've eaten all your crostinis in a heartbeat. Next time you have a "dinner party" please invite me immediately. If nothing else, I'll eat all your food.

Katie said...

you are so funny. and I would've had at least two of them myself. :)

Whitney said...

These look delicious. Those people are crazy for not eating that!

Sarah said...

Oh man, I love nothing more than planning a cocktail or dinner party. I love to spread out my cookbooks and start perusing. I wish we lived closer, I am sure we could throw one heck of one, crostinis and all. I think yours look delish and I would have eaten at least two.

Sally said...

Well, the crostini look delicious! And, also on the bright side? Looks like you got a platter!!!